Domestic violence often occurs behind closed doors but a violent outburst can occur anywhere and when you least expect it. 

Aena Hong, a 25-year old exchange student from South Korea was walking along Inwood Terrace when her former boyfriend, 26-year old Charles J. Hong drove alongside and the two began to argue about a recent breakup in their tumultuous year-long relationship.  According to police reports and eyewitness accounts, Charles drove away but then turned his car around, drove through a parking lot and stopped on Inwood Terrace.  As Miss Hong crossed the street, Charles immediately stepped on the gas and hit her.

Domestic violence is extremely complicated.  It’s not merely a snapshot in time but something more three-dimensional.  There are a multitude of different angles, events, emotions, conversations and behaviors that affect a relationship.  How could a thing like this happen between two people who love each other?  An “anger management” problem?  Not likely since all the rage was directed toward only one person.

“Once she fell to the ground, he drove over her and drove back over her approximately three times,” said First Assistant Prosecutor John L. Higgins III from the Bergen County Prosecutor’s Office.

Domestic violence is at times incomprehensible.  Why would someone destroy someone they loved in such a violent and vicious manner? 

That triggered a wave of 911 calls to the police about a pedestrian being hit and the car fleeing.  Imagine the scene as police officers sped to the scene only to find this young woman lying lifeless in the middle of the street.  Panic stricken and upset people must have been everywhere.  Bystanders and onlookers, a man who tried his best but was unable to intervene by stopping the car and then by trying to open the car door and pull the driver out, people trying to help save her life, others just trying to understand and make sense of what they just witnessed. 

A crisis can trigger the best in people, but also cause anxiety and confusion.  Some people may try to intervene.  Others are hoping to render aide.  Others may simply shut down and are unable to comprehend and process their own feelings after witnessing such unexpected tragedy.  What these people saw isn’t suppose to happen in our community. 

Was there any concern for his girlfriend’s well-being after running her over with his car?  Did he stop and realize what just happened?  Did he show signs of remorse?  All we can do is speculate what might have been had the police not been so thorough and diligent in their investigation.  It seems his only concern was to escape responsibility.

One of Miss Hong’s teachers said “She was and excellent student.  She was a very sweet girl.”  She also knew that she and her boyfriend had been having issues for about a month.

Another teacher remembers Charles interrupted one of Miss Hong’s classes.  “He came in and was angry about something.  He gave her – it looked like a lot of money to me.  He threw the envelope on the table.”

Domestic violence subtle as well as not so subtle signs that people see but don’t know how to react to. For an abuser, it’s all about power and control.  Psychological an emotional abuses may be picked up on by others but not responded to because most people are not prepared to offer help or advice.

A neighbor who lives in the same building as Charles said she just saw the couple a few days before the tragedy.  “They looked happy to me.  They were holding hands.”  She also said she didn’t know Charles very well, but did say hi to him when they passed each other in the hallway.  “I’ve never seen him angry,” she said.

An abuser is skillful in creating the illusion of a happy, peaceful relationship.  An abuser may be manipulative, striving to have a good public image so others would not believe he is capable of the violent and controlling behaviors he uses in his intimate and personal relationship.

As we read these accounts and hear the back stories to the relationship of these two tragic people, we think about other relationships we see in our lives.  How similar are our observations about people we know as those reported about Aena and Charles?   When we see people we know in such tumultuous relationships, is there something we should be doing to help or do we just shut down and hope the problem goes away or solves itself?  Do we really know what is going on in other people’s relationships and could a similar tragedy be just around the corner?

A relationship plagued by domestic violence can be quite complex.  The longer the relationship exists the more likely it becomes that the violence and danger will escalate and the more difficult it can be to make changes.

How to Leave an Abusive Relationship?

Though Domestic Violence is dangerous, even lethal, and hurts the whole family, leaving an abusive relationship is not always easy. 

First of all, the person can be deeply in love with the abuser, hopes the situation is going to change and feels guilty for breaking the relationship, especially if they have children together.

In other cases, the person may be scared to leave because of the abuser’s threatening or harassing behavior. Leaving becomes even more difficult if the victim does not have a job or the support of family and friends to start a new independent life.

Deciding to Make changes and end an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous time for a victim.  It should not be a decision you make alone: you will need the support of people trained in helping victims of domestic violence. When involved with an abusive partner, your legal rights and personal safety are more difficult to secure. 

If you, or someone you know, is in a violent relationship, or is planning to leave one, it is important to make a safety plan. You can call the Resource Center’s 24-hour hotline and get help from one of our staff members:             

1-866-685-1122

Safety Planning Brochure

As important as the “sex talk” may be, the “domestic violence talk” is even more critical. Boys and girls start to discover each other early and it’s not at all uncommon to hear from a sixth grader they are going out with someone, meaning they are considering themselves in a relationship. Who defines for them the roles in a relationship? Where do they learn how to express their feelings to the other person in that relationship?

Very often they model their behavior based upon personal observations and what they see and hear through the media. Unfortunately, all too often what they see and hear is behavior that may be questionable at best. Think about the publicity surrounding the assault on pop star Rihanna by her then boyfriend Chris Brown. She has seemingly forgiven him for punching her in the face and biting her, all so they can work together on a music release that appears to glorifying disrespecting women. One young woman even sent out her twitter message, “I don’t know why Rihanna complained. Chris Brown could beat me anytime he wanted to.”

Television shows like The Real Housewives series, and shows aimed at young people like The Jersey Shore, all seem to send the message that it is okay to be demeaning and abusive to others in a relationship, and that even violent behavior is acceptable.

Thankfully not everyone condones or accepts such misguided publicity. Actress Reese Witherspoon says she’s had the “domestic violence talk” with her two young children. She says, “Parents must educate themselves and their children about social media and what constitutes harassment, what is acceptable and what is not.”

As the Global Ambassador for the Avon Foundation for Women, Reese is clued to the issue of domestic violence and is adamant that we must spread the word that domestic violence is not acceptable and must not be condoned.

“We talk about what is abuse. I think it’s important to talk to our daughters – and our sons – in order to educate them at an early age about what’s appropriate and what is absolutely not acceptable,” she adds. The Academy Award winning actress explained that as a mother, it is her responsibility to educate her kids on difficult issues. “We talk about domestic violence and what it means… Although the concept is somewhat foreign to them, they’re starting to understand that this happens to families in our country and all throughout the world.”

 And so we ask you to follow the example of Reese Witherspoon, and encourage every parent to take the time to talk to their children about relationships they hear about through the media, good and bad alike. Help your children understand appropriate and inappropriate behavior and language. Give them a better understanding so when it’s their time to make decisions about entering a relationship, they’ll make a good, safe choice.

Many memories have had a deep and significant effect on my life, but one stands out in particular as important for other people to know. While most of it I gathered from hearing my family tell it over and over again, it bestowed upon me a vital idea that I personally believe everybody should know.

My introduction to violence prevention occurred when I was only a young child, still in preschool. I was playing and having fun, minding my own business, when a boy, Jake, accidently knocked into me, causing me to tumble to the ground. The teacher, Miss Lola, made Jake apologize to me, as well as retrieve an ice pack and hug me. It turned out the boy enjoyed doing this, so every single day afterwards, he would hit me or knock me down, just so he could retrieve the ice pack and hug me. While there were no cruel intentions behind it, I still did not like being hit, so I asked Miss Lola why Jake kept hurting me. She told me it was because he loved me.

Shortly afterwards, my mother found herself putting a snowsuit on me, preparing me to

Do we REALLY want our children to believe this is how they should see their relationship roles?

face the cold outdoors. I didn’t particularly like it, so I whacked her with my fist. She then paused and explained to me that in this household we don’t hit. She told me that no one ever hits me, and therefore I shouldn’t hit her, or anyone else. I then confessed that someone did hit me. She promptly freaked out, afraid that I was being abused by some grown adult. She asked me who it was, and I told her that Jake had hit me. She was relieved, but still upset. She asked me why Jake hit me, and I gave her the same explanation that Miss Lola gave me: Jake loved me.

Overall, this memory from my early childhood gave me a very significant understanding of the world, about love, hurt, and the messages that are sent to young children about these topics. I think it is important for this memory to be shared because all people should understand the distinguishing factors between love and abuse. Everybody should have love, but no one should be hurt by it.

Jess R. 

Age 14

Grade 8

Some Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

• Tells you he/she cannot live without you
• Threatens to hurt him/herself or others if you break up
• Has severe mood swings or frequent bad moods
• Wants the relationship to get too serious too quickly
• Believes in rigid gender roles
• Dislikes your parents and friends
• Disrespects his/her mother or generally treats his/her parents badly
• Brags about mistreating other people
• Has trouble controlling his/her temper
• Uses drugs and alcohol (not just experimentation)
• Blames others for his/her problems or feelings

For more information about Teen Dating, visit our website, Teen Dating Safety

SOMERVILLE –Lively jazz music will be making its way to Main Street in Somerville

STIRRING UP COMMUNITY HELP WITH JAZZ - Rick St. Pierre, Proprietor of Verve Bistro in Somerville; Fran Palm, Executive Director of The Women's Health & Counseling Center in Somerville; Paloma Amar Coleman, Executive Director of The Resource Center of Somerset in Hillsborough; and Nancy Good, Executive Director of Alternatives, Inc in Raritan.

once again when the third annual Verve Jazz Brunch Serieskicks off on Sunday, April 15.  This year’s fundraiser will benefit the Hillsborough based Resource Center of Somerset, Alternatives, Inc. of Raritan and the Women’s Health & Counseling Center of Somerville.

     “Always striving to assist our many nonprofit organizations within Somerset County, we look forward to hosting this exciting jazz brunch series to benefit three worthy charities,” said Verve Proprietor Rick St. Pierre.  “Giving back to the community through special events like these is what we pride ourselves on at Verve.”

          The Verve Jazz Brunch Series will run from11:00 am to 3:00 pm on Sunday, April 15 (benefiting the Resource Center of Somerset); Sunday, May 20 (supporting Alternatives, Inc.) and Sunday, June 24 (aiding The Women’sHealth & CounselingCenter).  Each of the individual brunches will feature noted guest-artist jazz musicians from around theGarden State, as well as different gourmet brunch menus featuring both breakfast and lunch selections.   

     “We are so grateful to Verve for three years of major support and now this special event that will bring together people from all overNew Jerseyto enjoy culinary delights,” said Resource Center of Somerset Executive Director Paloma Amar Coleman.  “More importantly, this event will direct attention to our agency which provides help and hope for people affected by domestic abuse.”

     Serving the residents of Somerset County for over 30 years, the Resource Center of Somerset was founded by a small group of volunteers who provided emergency shelter for women escaping abusive relationships.  The agency provides legal advocacy, outreach counseling, community education, transitional housing and emergency shelter to survivors of domestic abuse free of charge.  For additional information on their programs, contact Director of Community Affairs, Anthony Winchatz at (908) 359-0003, Ext. 223 or visit their website at: http://www.resourcecenterofsomerset.org

     “Alternatives is delighted to be part of this wonderful event,” said Nancy Good, President of Alternatives, Inc.  “Our participation in the Verve Jazz Brunch Series will help to raise awareness regarding the kinds of supports and services available for people with special needs in our community in an inviting atmosphere for friends to gather over great music and delectable food.  It is certainly a meaningful addition to the area’s calendar of events!”   

   Alternatives, Inc. provides comprehensive services to individuals and families with special needs to enable them to reach their highest level of independence and integration into the community.  They have been providing residential and support services to people in the Greater Central New Jersey community since 1979.  For additional information on their programs, contact Director of Development & Communications, Anita Feiner at(908)685-1444, Ext. 226 or visit their website at: www.alternativesinc.org.

     Fran Palm, Executive Director of the Women’s Health & Counseling Center, added, “It is an honor to join with Verve and our nonprofit partners in this collaborative venture, which will help raise awareness for each organization’s essential mission and the greater good in our community.”

     Women’s Health & Counseling Center is a community-based, nonprofit provider of personalized healthcare for women, particularly those who may not be able to obtain such services from traditional providers due to monetary, cultural, language or other barriers.  The organization’s goal is to provide compassionate, high quality healthcare, prevention and education for teens, and sexual assault support services. For additional information on programs contact: Director of Development & Communications, Christine Bonney at(908)526-2335, Ext. 134 or visit their website at www.womenandhealth.org.

     The Verve Jazz Brunch Series is offering a three brunch package for only $120 (savings of $30), with single brunch tickets priced at $50 per person.  The ticket includes a three-course brunch and a complimentary Mimosa or Bloody Mary cocktail, as well as door prizes.  Reservations are available by calling Verve Bistro directly at(908)707-8655.  Seatings will be available for11:00 am,12 Noon,1:00 pm and 2:00 pm.  Walk-up seating is available, however, patrons are encouraged to make a day of event phone call to check on open seating.

     Patrons can visit the Verve website at: www.vervestyle.com  to check out the Jazz Brunch Series menus and regular Verve dining menus.  Verve is located at 18 East Main Street in downtown Somerville (across the street from the historic Somerset County Courthouse).

Maury Lonergan, Scott Van Cleef, Mayor Gloria McCauley, Paloma Amar Coleman

November 21, 2011–Hillsborough,NJ– The Resource Center of Somerset, located onHomestead Road in Hillsborough, held a ribbon cutting ceremony to open the newly renovated Annex.  Mayor Gloria McCauley was joined by several Township officials including Chief of Police Paul Kaminsky, Director of Building Ron Skobo and Business Advocate Gene Strupinky to celebrate this accomplishment of improved business expansion and community service.  The guests of honor were Todd Van Cleef, President and Scott Van Cleef, Vice President of Country Classics at Hillsborough who donated the renovation project. 

The Resource Center of Somerset was founded in 1978 by concerned citizens desiring to provide safety and shelter to victims of domestic abuse. Over the years, the Resource Center has gone through many transitions as client needs grew and services expanded. The locations of our  outreach offices changed along with the expansion of services;. In 1996, the offices were moved into our present location at Homestead Road in Hillsborough. By 2005, we were operating at  capacity and the Development offices were moved into the annex building, which was also occupied by Belle Mead Physical Therapy.

Jeff Coe - Project Manager, Scott Van Cleef, Todd Van Cleef, Paloma Amar Coleman

            When  the physical therapy group moved out  in 2009, there were plans to renovate the building and relocate all our administrative offices to the annex.  However, budgetary constraints and a lack of available funding meant those plans were but a dream.  Todd and Scott Van Cleef of Country Classics at Hillsborough recognized the needs of our agency and knew what they could do to help. Country Classics has a long history of providing support to groups and organizations in the community. Their proposal was to renovate the previously occupied offices at their own expense as a donation to improve the lives of victims and survivors of domestic abuse.            

Todd and Scott developed a design plan and worked with the officials in Hillsborough Township to make this dream a reality and most of our administrative offices, including Development, Community Affairs, Finance and Facilities Management, are now operating out of  the newly renovated surroundings.

The pride in achievement, professionalism and generosity exhibited by everyone involved in this project is testament to the spirit of community caring that allows our agency to provide the critical services so vital to the empowerment of survivors of domestic abuse.

Special recognition must go to Jeff Coe and Kathy Crosby for their dedication and focus to complete this project in a timely manner along with Maury Lonergan who coordinated the work schedules and kept the operations and facilities of the Resource Center  functioning throughout the construction.

Small businesses make up the backbone of our communities providing us all with the local convenience of specialty goods, services and entertainment.  In a tough economy, every dollar earned is important to the growth and survival of those businesses.  John and Alyse Prudente, owners and operators of the Riverside Grill, located in the KMART shopping center on 206 in Hillsborough, have added one more element to their business; social consciousness.

The Riverside Grill specializes in burgers, and during the month of January, they are donating one dollar for each burger served to the Resource Center of Somerset to help support the programs and services offered to victims and survivors of domestic violence.  Despite having faced the ravages of Hurricane Irene last August when their former location in Manville was devastated by flood waters, they place value on helping others.

In their few short months of operation, they have become part of the fabric of the community in Hillsborough.  We applaud their efforts and encourage other businesses throughout Somerset County to follow their lead and help support the Resource Center of Somerset to provide essential services to our friends and neighbors in need in Somerset County. For more information please contact Anthony Winchatz at (908)359-0003 ext 223  And by the way, stop in at the Riverside Grill for a burger, you won’t be disappointed!

On April 15, 2011, the Resource Center of Somerset held the Fifth Annual Law Enforcement Awards program recognizing outstanding achievement in services to victims of domestic violence.  In addition, a Special Recognition Award was presented to the Ministerium of Bound Brook for their community initiatives to help revive the Domestic Violence Response Team in their community.  The awards program is held annually in recognition of National Crime Victims’ Rights Week which this year was April 10-16.

“We honor the relationship we have with our police officers in Somerset County,” said Paloma Amar-Coleman, Executive Director of the Resource Center.  “The respect and trust we share for one another is so important to the safety and empowerment of those who are victimized in abusive relationships.  I thank them every day for contributing to our success.”

Somerset County Prosecutor Geoffrey D. Soriano was the guest speaker.  He praised the work of police officers in Somerset County and particularly the efforts of this year’s award recipients.  He also spoke about the future and how his office was developing a collaborative relationship with the Resource Center to find priority solutions to domestic violence problems, and to continue to improve the services and safety provided by law enforcement to victims of abuse.

The awards luncheon was held at the Verve Bistro in Somerville.  Police Chiefs and government officials from throughout Somerset County along with staff members from the Resource Center were on hand to honor the recipients.

Law Enforcement Award Recipients

Detective Nanci Arraial

Bedminster Police Department

Detective Arraial is a 2002 graduate from the Somerset County Police Academy and a member of the Bedminster Police Department.  Since 2009, she has served as an adjunct instructor at the police academy for the Basic Police Training Course, “Police Response to Domestic Violence Situations” as well as the lead instructor in the Continuing Education for Veteran Law Enforcement Officers program, “Advanced Domestic Violence Training” serving the regional service areas of Somerset, Hunterdon, Middlesex and Warren Counties.  The time and effort Det. Arraial has devoted to making this training program relevant and effective is measured in the professionalism and compassion exhibited by law enforcement officers throughout the area in the way they respond to domestic violence service calls and victim needs.

Nominated by Dr. Richard Celeste, Director—Somerset County Police Academy

Chief Mark Ciesla

Raritan Police Department

Chief Ciesla has always been forthright about the services his police department provides to the community.  Prior to his promotion the Chief of Police, he served as the Domestic Violence Liaison Officer for the Raritan Police Department and he made it his priority to review each and every domestic violence investigation report filed by his officers.  Chief Ciesla personalized every investigation by making sure each victim had an “identity,” that is, every officer was familiar with each case and what was needed to provide continuing safety to that victim and to assure their individual victims’ rights were being respected and satisfied.  He took a personal interest in those victims who might otherwise “slip through the cracks” because they had no one to help them navigate the criminal justice system.  This past October, Chief Ciesla spoke at our annual Candlelight Vigil Ceremony to Honor Victims of Domestic Abuse.  He passionately expressed his call for all law enforcement officers to respect victims of domestic abuse, treat everyone with dignity and to make it their personal priority to investigate every incident with their full attention to detail and fairness.

Nominated by Paloma Amar-Coleman, Executive Director—Resource Center of Somerset

Chief Michael Jannone

Lieutenant David Czarcinski

Lieutenant Stephen Spolarich

Bound Brook Police Department

The Bound Brook Police Department initiated a Domestic Violence Response Team in the early 1990’s, however the program was short-lived because of administrative changes in municipal services and the loss of the team coordinator.  In 2010, the program found new support from the community and an enthusiastic response from the police administration to reactivate the DVRT.  Chief Jannone renewed the community partnership between the police department and the Resource Center and Lieutenants Czarcinski and Spolarich worked diligently to create department policy and procedure, recruit volunteers for the team, coordinate training, and most importantly, work with the community to assure everyone that the Bound Brook Police Department was prepared to provide fair, effective and efficient service to victims of domestic abuse in the community.  The Bound Brook DVRT was officially “on-duty” April 1, 2011.

Nominated by Annmarie Crispino, DVRT Coordinator—Resource Center of Somerset

Special Recognition Award

Reverend Marisol Ferrer

Congregational Church of Bound Brook

Joanne Hala

United Way of Northern New Jersey—Workforce Development

Representing the Ministerium of Bound Brook

ommunity Initiatives are an important part of change in society.  The Ministerium of Bound Brook is an organization of religious and lay leaders from places of worship in Bound Brook who work within the community to examine needs and initiate changes to improve life in the community.  One of the first social needs the committee identified was the need for an effective response to domestic violence situations, particularly to the Spanish language and culture community which many of the local churches serve.  Partnering with the Bound Brook Police Department and the Resource Center of Somerset, the Ministerium helped to educate the community about domestic abuse, encourage victims to seek safety by reporting abusive behavior to the police and recruit and train members from their congregants to serve as DVRT Advocates.  The Ministerium of Bound Brook exemplifies how a small, focus group with common interests can identify resources and initiate positive change in their community.

Nominated by Lt. Anthony J. Winchatz, Ret., Director of Community Affairs and

Annmarie Crispino, DVRT Coordinator—Resource Center of Somerset

Cosmetology students Joe Fiorilli, Misty Granski and Imtiaz Karim present facts about domestic abuse to nursing students at RVCC.

BRIDGEWATER, NJ – Domestic violence is one of the most prevalent social problems in our communities.  Chances are we all know a victim of domestic abuse.  He or she may be a friend, a neighbor, a family member or someone we come in contact with everyday through our jobs.  On a Saturday in February, cosmetology students and professional football players came together to do something about it.

The opportunity for hair and beauty salon professionals to be part of the prevention and recovery process for victims of abuse who are also customers seemed obvious.  Victims often disclose their abuse to their salon professional.  The salon is a comfortable environment, and intimacy and trust build up between the salon professional and client over time.  In that sense, salon professionals are natural gatekeepers to the community, and a program called Cut It Out has been developed to provide information on how they can safely recognize, respond and refer victims of abuse to resources of help.

The Resource Center of Somerset and the Raritan Valley Community College Continuing Education program in Cosmetology partnered earlier this year to bring this program to the students as part of their preparation for becoming successful and conscientious salon professionals.  After participating in the CUT IT OUT program, the students decided to take things to the next level and become community activists on behalf of victims of domestic abuse.  They developed a public awareness campaign presented in several classes at RVCC and to select salons in Somerset County.  The presentation was submitted for the annual competition in service, leadership and community service skills to Skills USA, a national nonprofit organization serving teachers and high school and college students who are preparing for careers in trade, technical and skilled service occupations, including health occupations.  The national competition will be held in Kansas City in June.

In addition to the awareness campaign, the students organized a fund raising salon-a-thon, “Shears to Stop the Tears,” which was held on Saturday, February 26 in the cosmetology classroom at the RVCC Bridgewater campus.  Joining them in support and to help promote enthusiasm throughout the day were members of the Somerset Bears Football team.  Players were on hand to meet and greet customers and supported the event by getting haircuts and manicures.

The Somerset Bears completed their inaugural season last year, undefeated and division champions of the Empire Conference of the Big East Football Federation Professional Football League.

Also supporting the event with displays and product sales were several vendors who donated their event profits to the Resource Center.  On hand were Willow House –  a design consultant and home decorating company and primary sponsor of CUT IT OUT, Premier Designs –  high fashion jewelry, Arbonne cosmetics and Silpada sterling silver jewelry.

The salon-a-thon raised over $1,200 to benefit programming at the Resource Center.  “We had non-stop customers from the time we began at 9 am until we had to turn people away at 5 pm,” said Marcia Bird, Cosmetology Program Coordinator for RVCC Continuing Education as she enthusiastically praised her students for all their efforts of the day.  “Our students took the issue of domestic abuse to heart after experiencing the training and are ready to be responsible professionals who will care deeply helping about their clients,” she added.

The CUT IT OUT program is now included in the cosmetology curriculum and the Resource Center of Somerset staff is proud to do their part providing training for the students.

Hillsborough High School Independent Living Students proudly display the pillowcases they made for clients entering our Safe House.

Hillsborough High School Interact Club members show off some of the donated gifts in the Holiday Gift Shop

Since the Resource Center of Somerset moved into our offices in Hillsborough in 1996, our conference room has been transformed into a Holiday Gift Shop and is stocked with donations that allow our clients to make holiday gift selections for their families.  Children can “shop” for a special holiday present for Mom and siblings and those important to them.  Of course, all gifts selected are provided at no charge to our client’s families.

Friends of the Shelter members Marlene Foley (left) and Terry Thompson (right) deliver gifts to the Resource Center staff.

The Shop is decorated for the holidays by students from the Hillsborough High School Interact Club and the inventory is donated by community groups, corporate supporters and caring individuals and families who want to share their goodwill by providing for others.  The Friends of the Shelter, an all-volunteer organization of women who share a commitment to assist victims of domestic abuse through their support of the Resource Center, this season were able to purchase an array of household gifts with a special discount provided by Bed, Bath and Beyond.

A wonderful selection of household gifts to help families get back on their feet.

Donations begin to arrive in early December  when donors schedule drop off times with the reception office.

Ray “the Prize Guy” Handel (in truck) and his assistant from NJ radio 101.5 FM deliver gifts for 25 families through our Adopt-a-Family program to Safe House Manager Sue Rivera (on right)

The Holiday Gift Shop is one of several holiday gift programs sponsored by the Resource Center of Somerset.  The Adopt-a-Family program allows a donor supporter to fill a complete wish list of gifts to a client family.  This year, over 80 families were part of our program.  NJ radio station 101.5 FM has adopted 25 families in conjunction with their listeners.

The 2010 Dove Ornament is available while supplies last.

Our holiday donor program continues with our end of the year donation appeal.  Donors contributing $100 or more will receive our specially designed brass-plated dove ornament as a token of our appreciation.  It’s one more way to brighten the holidays for everyone.

The Church & Dwight check presentation - pictured - Hillsborough Township Comitteeman Bob Wagner, Committeeman Anthony Ferrera, Resource Center Board member & Community Relations Chair Jane Sherry, Resource Center Director of Community Affairs Tony Winchatz, Church & Dwight presenter Patricia Berry, Committeeman Carl Suraci, Mayor Frank DelCore and Committeewoman Gloria McCauley.

The Church & Dwight Employee Giving Fund, Inc. is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization which was established in 2005 to support charitable organizations primarily in New Jersey and Eastern Pennsylvania , the region where the Church & Dwight corporate headquarters is located and where many of their employees reside. The EGF is a workplace giving program, supported by employees contributions, which are matched dollar for dollar by Church & Dwight Co., Inc. The EGF provides Church & Dwight employees with the means to financially assist those who are less fortunate, to actively support and participate in the good works of not-for-profit organizations dedicated to that end and to direct contributions to charitable organizations selected for support.

Patricia Berry from Church & Dwight and the representative for the fund said that their employees are very much aware of the extent of domestic abuse in the community and how it affects not only those who are victimized but how it affects their ability to perform in the workplace. One of the key elements for making the decision to contribute to us was that our services are free of charge and that is vital to removing the barrier for seeking help.

Church & Dwight Co., Inc. manufactures and markets a wide range of personal care, household and specialty products under the Arm & Hammer brand name and other well-known trademarks.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  It is not a time of celebration but rather a time of reflection.  We take the time to reflect on how far the journey has taken us in the past 28 years since New Jersey passed the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act that afforded protection and assistance to victims of domestic abuse.  We take the time to reflect on the courage of those who made the journey and mourn those who did not complete the journey because they were killed by their abuser.  We also take the time to reflect on how critical and pervasive domestic violence is as a social problem and as a problem to which our community must respond.

During this month of reflection, our police departments in Somerset County will investigate over 170 reports of domestic violence, the Family Court in Somerset County will hear over 120 applications for final restraining orders, our legal advocates will assist over 100 new clients prepare for court hearings, our clinical staff will meet and admit 40 new clients to our programs, our 24-hour hotline will answer over 300 calls and our safe house will admit 3 new women and their children trying to escape a dangerous relationship.

Our communities have responded.  Domestic Violence Response Team volunteer advocates work with the local and state police in 17 of our 21 municipalities helping victims through a painful and trying crisis.  Local businesses, community and church groups provide support with donations of food and clothing to help our clients get back on their feet again.  Community educational sessions to promote awareness are presented to school groups, civic, community and church organizations in a partnership for prevention.

Individually, each of us shares in the responsibility of creating a safe community and a respectful lifestyle.  We must be mindful of our actions, and just as importantly our inactions, that account for the levels of dignity and respect that is afforded to all.  So, as this month is a time of reflection, let us each consider this pledge as our commitment to a safer and more peaceful way of life for all.

Ending Domestic Violence

A Pledge to Learn, Speak, and Act

I acknowledge domestic violence is a problem that we all must work to end;

I acknowledge that all people deserve to live in a safe and loving

environment based on equality;

I acknowledge that my lack of action and silence perpetuates the violence in my community;

I commit that I am ready to be conscious of domestic violence as a serious social problem;

I commit to educate myself on the causes and forms of

domestic violence;

I commit to end the silence about domestic violence and its

effects on children, women and men;

I commit to engage my friends, family, neighbors, and

co-workers in ending domestic violence;

I commit to seek out and support organizations working to end domestic violence;

I commit to make the changes required to stop the violence in my life and to end it elsewhere;

I commit that healthy values must be spoken;

I commit that ending domestic violence begins with my

involvement.

“The word ‘incurable,’ which is so scary to hear, is no longer in my mind. Every woman who thinks there is no hope in her life is wrong.

For many years, I suffered abuse from my husband and children, to the point where I could not raise my voice or stand up for my rights. In group, I found understanding, my own self-worth, acceptance, happiness, and a positive attitude.”- Maria, age 45.

The words of this survivor attest to the power of group counseling in helping victims to eradicate violence from their lives. In addition to individual counseling, the Resource Center of Somerset offers group counseling for survivors of domestic abuse.

Psycho-educational Group is designed to provide clients with an understanding of the dynamics of domestic abuse and offer validation of
their experiences, through different topics covered over eight weeks.

Therapy Group is less structured, without a curriculum or time limit, and focuses on group members supporting each other. The Resource Center also has groups for children and for parents of adult victims of abuse.

Group counseling is particularly effective because it not only provides education and insight into personal issues, but it also allows participants to build a support network and reduce the isolation that is part of living with abuse; learn from others’ experiences; and let them know that they are not the only ones facing the problem of domestic abuse.

Here’s what other group participants had to say: “I learned how to recognize patterns in my behavior, how to value myself, and how to spot unhealthy relationships. Being in a group has been reassuring to me- being able to share with other women who have been through similar experiences, nurturing one another, supporting and encouraging each other.” – Ann, age 42.

“The group is educational and empowering. It has given me new skills, which are allowing me to reclaim my life. The leaders are knowledgeable, intuitive, and the support from the group is profound.” - Peggy, age 54. “I appreciate the support, guidance, acceptance, and sense of belonging that I was given during my time in group. I have gained so much insight into myself and my
situation as a result of the group at Resource Center of Somerset.”

“I will be forever thankful for the education and knowledge I received through some of the most trying times of my life.” – Barbara, age 32. “My experience with abuse was traumatic and devastating and has left scars in my life forever. But things would have been much worse without the support, containment, and warmth of the Resource Center of Somerset.”

“From the day they found me shivering with fear, they have educated and strengthened me with the tools and knowledge to rebuild my confidence and self-esteem. The Resource Center has sensitive and caring therapists. In their group, I found not only other survivors, but trusted friends. The path to recovery is long and difficult but I have the strength to fight another day. At the Resource Center of Somerset, we are moving forward together.”- Susan, age 29.

If you would like information on joining a group, enter our safe house program or any other services of the Resource Center of Somerset, please call our 24-hour hotline at 866-685-1122.